Swimsuits and Size 12

Yesterday marked a special occasion. No, it wasn’t a birthday or a holiday or anything really, other than a normal Sunday, for the most part. But to me, it was a special day. Because yesterday was the first day since having Audrey last August that I went shopping by myself. No baby carrier, no stroller, no worries. Just me and the mall, baby. I LOVE shopping. I love the stores, spending money, having new clothes, etc. I love it all.

So I had grand visions of this day. I waited as long as I could to go because I know my sizes were changing, I had spent a small fortune on maternity clothes and I just plain didn’t have the energy. But with a work event looming and a desperate need for a new dress to wear, off I went.

And here is what I learned:

1. It is not smart to park at the entrance that brings you right into the swimsuit section. The teeny-weeny bikinis are not good self-esteem boosters when you are clinging to a size 12 like it’s going out of style.

2. I need to start a clothing store that specializes in postpartum clothes. Your body gets weird, yo. I mean, not freaky weird, it just fits differently during these first few months after the baby. And your “normal” size may not be normal anymore, and can someone FOR THE LOVE OF GOD make beautiful cocktail dresses that aren’t sleeveless? Too much to ask?

3. The lights in the dressing room are just as depressing as they were before having a baby.

4. Trying on 30 dresses does not guarantee you will find one, but you will burn a lot of calories making three or four loops to keep looking because you refuse to leave that store without a dang dress.

5. You will spend a lot more money because you will buy more dresses than you need so that you can bring home options to your poor, unassuming husband who will spend the next two hours talking you off a ledge and ASSURING you that the way the dress sits on your hips does not make you look like you camel humps for hips.

6. You will have a ray of golden sunlight when a pair of pants fits and they are on sale and you buy them and everybody get ready because you will see me in these pants probably every day for the next few months because they fit so perfectly.

7. See No. 6 but replace the pants with a sundress that I will wear on the days the pants are dirty. Or covered with spit-up.

8. You will find a dress that works, praise Jesus, and leave with as much self confidence and renewed commitment to working out as you can muster as you must once again pass the swimsuit section to get to your car.

Do not fear. I know that I am beautiful, that I look great after having a baby, that I have all this time to lose any weight that I feel shouldn’t be there. I just found that this whole day that I had looked forward to was a bit more jarring than I expected, but a bit freeing as well. I’m not as crushed as I thought I would be that I’m not back to pre-preganancy weight yet. I really am fine with it. It’s time to get with the program though, but for me, for now, it’s OK. And I’m OK. We’re all OK.

Bonus lesson #9: To make you feel better after this excursion, go to Target, get a caffe vanilla frappuccino and wander the aisles for as long as you can stand it. It helps heal all wounds 🙂